Today, I am choosing to be peaceful on the inside, even when things are not peaceful on the outside.
The coronavirus is everywhere – changing how we move and interact in our communities, impacting how we shop, and causing many of us to feel, at the very least, a little bit concerned. Stores have been sold out of toilet paper, hand sanitizer, paper towels, and tissues for days, and now are also selling out of milk and eggs.
Please don’t think I am being cavalier – because I am also pretty concerned.
I’m actually a bit more on the panicked side of concerned, but I am trying not to show it. I will admit that I have succumbed to the pressure of stockpiling some items – including clam chowder, black beans, chunk pineapple, and cabbage. I know that list makes no sense, and yet, I really thought that buying those items would make me feel like I was taking care of my family and being prepared.
They didn’t.
The need to provide food during times of stress is not new – we make countless casseroles for grieving families. But, the feeling of “impending doom” that is lurking underneath this current event feels very different. As I try to get real with myself about that feeling, I realize that I have had a sense of worry about the state of the world for a while now.
I think that the more I have tried to educate myself on topics like the climate crisis, racial bias and discrimination, and the coronavirus, the more I am concerned with not only the outcomes of these issues and the impact they will have on real people’s lives, but also with the level of misinformation that exists in every part of our society. How do we expect to have an educated citizenry when so many of our leaders share misinformation or outright lies? How do we expect young people to take up the mantle for changing the world when they are exposed to layer upon layer of corruption in the institutions that are supposed to protect the people and promote forward thinking? How do we have a clear voice on the issues when we get our information from Facebook or by overhearing conversations in the dentist’s office?
This is where my thinking takes me, but that is not the path I choose today. Today, I choose to be peaceful on the inside, even when the world is not peaceful on the outside. This is one of the principles of Attitudinal Healing that I have been working with for months now. Most days I struggle to keep the principles at the forefront, but on reflection, they can help me reframe my thinking or my approach, and put my best self forward in the words I choose and the interactions I have.
This principle is hard for me – I am very good at arguing with reality. I don’t want there to be a coronavirus. I don’t want to admit that my husband really doesn’t love me. I don’t want to be getting older. Like a selfish child, I think that the Universe should give me what I want. Attitudinal Healing helps me stay present with what I have – and I do have an abundance of blessings – and let go of things I cannot control.
So, I will stay present. I will wash my hands and sing Lizzo while I do it. And today, I will remind myself that I can be peaceful on the inside.
Even during a pandemic.
