I am binging the Last Tango in Halifax on Netlix.
My parents recommended it to me; which is interesting, and possibly a blog post in its own right. But, watching this show has really got me thinking about a few things.
The first thing I recognize is that I am Catherine.
Let’s review. Her husband has an affair, check. She is a school administrator, check. She feels like she is having a nervous breakdown, check. She becomes involved with a woman, check.
It completely sucks to have your life overhauled in mid-stream. Suddenly, you think you were going one way, and surprise! you were really going another.
The theme of this show is basically that all humans let each other down. Wow. That is a significant kick in the balls for a perpetual optimist, isn’t it?
So, how do we begin to make things okay for the people in our lives when we apparently keep letting them down? I think it really comes down to speaking your truth. As hard as it may be for others to hear, we must say what is really on our hearts.
It’s incredibly difficult for me to say that I feel like I have let my children down for not being able to salvage my marriage. My own father lost respect for his mother after her failed attempts at relationships, and I feel like I am destined to be the person that my children are ashamed of. Even though my marriage failed, I still need to have the respect of my children, so the thought of them losing respect for me absolutely kills me.
So, I return to gratitude. It is the only thing I can return to.
I am grateful for the years I spent, twenty years actually, growing up with the love of my life. I am grateful for the love my parents have modeled, even though I have not lived up to their example. And I am grateful for the opportunity to be a biological mother to Samuel and Jacob and the figurative mother to the hundreds of children at the school I have led. These are the things that have made me who I am.
So, let’s tango.
It’s time for a new dance. A new day. A new page to turn in this book of my life. I didn’t chose this path. But I am damn sure going to make the most of it.
It’s time to learn how to tango.