As I put on my makeup this morning, I was acutely aware of the lines around my eyes. The eye cream that is designed to reduce them is clearly not doing its job. I notice the grey hairs: the ones I tuck behind my ears in the hopes of hiding them, the ones streaked into my bangs, the ones at my temples. I put on my pants and thought, “Seriously, who wears boot leg pants anymore?” Everything reminds me that I am “of a certain age.”
We struggle with age as a society. We try to avoid it-forever searching for the next miracle product that will keep us feeling or looking younger. We think that hiring “the best and the brightest” means hiring young and inexperienced. We admire image after image of thin, young, beautiful people made perfect through the advancements in technology and bulemia.
While we hustle to stay relevant in a young person’s world, we miss the stories, the experiences, the learning, and the context of how we got here.
I think about my own grandparents. I thought they were old my whole life, and yet almost everything I share about my own past starts with “My Grammy Lord” or “My Poppy Reeve.” I listened to the stories. I learned from them constantly. And there is still so much that I don’t know and wish I could ask; about them, about the time period they lived in, and about how their life experiences impacted them.
I am officially “of a certain age.” I have grey hair and laugh lines. My body looks like I have had two children and love to eat cookies. My hands can no longer play the piano like they could when I was in college. Four hours of sleep is a good night’s sleep, and not because I am out partying.
I have earned this place, this space, and this age. It has not been easy. It has not been without pain and learning and terrible heartache. But, for all of that, I have two amazing children, who are humans that I truly enjoy; I am surrounded by people who genuinely love me and appreciate me, which has not always been the story; and I am just beginning to figure out what I am called to do for the next however many years.
Yes, I am “of a certain age,” but I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up. Maybe I never will.
“Age is an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.” – David Bowie
