This is such an interesting time.
We are isolated – shuttered from our traditional routine and the small connections that help us to stay firmly rooted in a sense of community. We are starving for that connection and so we turn to social media.
A few weeks ago, many of us would have said that social media had created access points for being social connected, but the opportunities for true connection were limited. In just a few weeks, we have seen social media return as the powerhouse of connection – with live stream concerts, digital gatherings, and virtual happy hours.
Is it possible that our lives will be forever changed by this experience – with more people telecommuting and participating in distance learning and seeing our family through Zoom on Saturday mornings? It certainly feels like it is a very real possibility – that as quickly as we transitioned to this new reality, we may find that many of the changes stick.
So, we must understand connection if we are going to be successful in finding it. We are biologically wired for connection – for knowing that we belong with other humans based on our common values, beliefs, experiences, or heritage. Do we really get that from online posts and sharing memes? It helps – much in the same way that “small talk” functions when we are face to face, having those small points of connection will hopefully lead to a stronger sense of community, but that sense of community is not enough to eclipse the increase in collective anxiety that we are currently experiencing.
For the past several weeks, my colleagues and I have been facilitating virtual circles with teachers and leaders. Each day, when we meet in circle, it is the most authentic connection that I get to have during a day. I have online meetings regularly with people I know well and who know me, but the virtual circles, where I may only know one or two people, is where the real connection happens.
So I have been trying to determine what exactly it is that creates connection
In circle, we are listening, sharing, and connecting. There is the opportunity to relate to others and find shared experiences or feelings. We feel heard, and as a result, we can take the next steps in taking care of our own needs.
We feel heard.
And we feel heard without judgement. That is the true gift of connection – it is listening without judgement and without feeling compelled to share advice. There is trust in that – trust that I will find the answers I need when the time is right. Trust that you can be silent and still be supportive.
As this social distancing continues, we are challenged to find that sense of connection in our daily lives. We can start by offering true connection – by being present and really listening without judgement. Maybe by the time this is all over we will have found what we have been missing all along.
And it was right inside of us.