Resilience.
I have spent a ton of time thinking about how we learn to be resilient humans. And it has led me to the same question time and time again…
Is there a way to teach resilience that doesn’t completely suck?
Resilience is about being able to bounce back – to have the ability to see past the current situation to the bright future that will follow. The question is – how do we develop resilience and is there a way to develop it without having to endure something traumatic (or multiple traumas)?
I spent time this evening with a group of resilient women who are each leading in their own worlds. They have each overcome deeply personal traumatic experiences – and they have each found their voice as advocates, as educators, as community organizers, and as inspirations.
Their stories made me think about leadership differently. I have had many leadership roles. But, here’s the thing about leadership – it’s actually more than the position. It’s about really being in deep – so deep in your beliefs that you make mistakes and you say the wrong thing and you think that people are really your friends – and when you have enough perspective to realize that you have learned something, you realize that the learning is what really matters.
So, I have come to the realization that resilience is not about the low point and that having a low point is not a contradiction of resilience. I had been thinking that I had somehow lost my resilience when I was at my lowest point and I have let that mindset eat at me for nearly two years. I have doubted that I even deserved to consider myself a leader because I let myself fall. But, I am resilient.
Let me say that again. I. Am. Resilient.
Even when I was living just 5 minutes to 5 minutes – I made it through each of those 5 minutes and got to the next. Resilient.
When my husband chose someone younger and skinnier – I thought that I could not survive. But, I did. I still hate it, I still am sad, I still even love him. But, I did it. Resilient.
Resilience is the ability to see past your current circumstance and see the bright future that you can still achieve. I don’t always feel resilient because I feel like I am still attached to and somewhat defined by the string of losses that took me by surprise and nearly destroyed me. But, I am resilient. I am still here. I am still trying. I am still leading. That is the definition of resilience.
As we closed our circle of women in leadership this evening, we each spoke aloud what we deserved. This is another sign of resilience – acknowledging that we deserve love, belonging, abundance, and peace even as we acknowledge our traumatic life experiences. It’s difficult for me to speak aloud what I think I “deserve,” but I decided to dig deep and find my courage.
I deserve to feel confident. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to say what I need.
I deserve to see myself as resilient. Because I am.