This week, I was a part of a professional development in restorative circles.
I have led and participated in circles for years as a part of my own practice. I believe in the power of circles to transform and support healthy communities in schools and in life.
One activity we did focused on values. And that really took me back to my favorite, Brene Brown, and her amazing book, Dare to Lead. Brene asks the hard questions. What are your values? Where do you see those values showing up in your daily life? Where do you have trouble seeing those values showing up in your daily life?
It’s that last question that’s a killer.
One of my core values is family, yet, we have established habits that don’t reflect that value. We exist in separate rooms, in separate activities, and connect through text or (my favorite) Google Home (“Hey Google, broadcast: “Jacob, please come downstairs.”). We “family” so much differently now – as if we are afraid to make any sudden movements and knock what’s left of the pieces over.
Another one of my core values is financial stability. I worry constantly about being the only one to take care of the house, the dog, the medical bills, the future for me and for the boys. So, I work. And work. And work. And then the value of financial stability contradicts the value of family, so how does that balance out?
My other core value is making a difference. How do you know if you are really making a difference? We touch so many people’s lives – I would like to think that I am living in such a way that people are helped or inspired by me. But, I am not “out there” really making a difference in the world. I am not making sandwiches for the homeless or working tirelessly to save our planet (I have actually gotten coffee in to-go cups twice this week, despite vowing yet again that I am only making coffee at home to save money). I write. I help schools. I help people find houses that they love. Does it make a difference?
When we take a really close look at our values and ask ourselves the hard questions, we have to reflect on what we can do better. If you just met me, would you know that my values are family, financial stability, and making a difference? Does having a value of financial stability make me an awful human because I am not completely altruistic? Do my values show up in the way I work, the way I relate to others, and the life I lead?
These are big questions for a Friday morning. Especially before coffee (in a mug, not a to-go cup).
What questions are you grappling with today? Let’s share a coffee and grapple together. Maybe we can be the ones who make a difference for one another.
Carin,
I especially responded to the question “If you just met me, would you know…”. That seems to beg not only a deeper awareness of one’s self, but a more transparent and interactive expression of those values.
I encountered a woman yesterday as she emerged from a car, the color of which was nearly obscured by stickers. The one that first caught my eye said “my opinions are so awesome I have to put them on my car”! The general themes of the rest were, Peace, Climate Change Awareness/Responsibility, and Care for the Needy.
It was literally impossible to doubt where she stood, and so I smiled and nodded, as she did the same. Very inspiring and more than a little bit humbling.
Thanks for your thoughts today, and for reinforcing that unexpected nudge towards betterment I received yesterday.
Peter
I am thinking about our philosophical debates with such fondness right now! Sending you much love my friend.