“How are you?”
We ask it reflexively without really needing an answer.
“I’m okay.”
The words coming out of my mouth do not match the thoughts in my head.
What would happen if we responded honestly – if we trusted ourselves and those around us enough to say what is really in our heads?
You would ask me, “How are you?” and I would respond, “I feel like I have absolutely no idea what I am doing.”
Yeah, that’s not really the kind of response that leads to a “Hey, cool! See you later!” kind of interaction.
When we say we’re okay, it can mean anything from, “yeah, I’d really rather not get into the whole story right now” to, “I’m pretty sure if I told you what I was really feeling you would run the other way.”
Okay. What if we asked the question that we really were prepared to hear the answer to? We could ask, “What is one good thing that has happened to you today?” or “How many things have made you feel like a failure today?”
Was there actually a time when okay meant okay? I think so. If being “great” is like a 10, then “okay” might be a 4.5. Yes, I remember the days of being a 4.5. Baby puke on my work clothes, no sleep in days, no money in the checking and a week until payday, but okay meant okay. There was hope in that okay.
Now, okay has more of a sense of desperation – like, “Please, tell me I am doing better than I think I am?”
Ultimately, we judge our level of “okayness” by what we believe other people are thinking about us. We measure our own level of okay based on the story we tell ourselves about how everyone else is doing.
If everyone is creating a narrative of supposition, then okay is relative for everyone. And okay, no matter what it really means, is enough. It’s okay to just be okay – even if okay is just feeling like a 1.7 today.
Maybe tomorrow will be more of a 1.8.
Whatever it is, it will be okay.
