I spend a great deal of time reflecting on my purpose. Why am I here? What will I leave behind that will matter to anyone? How will this world be better for me having been here?
Everyone wants to have some kind of legacy: to leave some kind of impact or feel that we have mattered in some way. I don’t feel very confident that anything that I have done or will do will leave that kind of legacy.
I think there is part of me that believes there is a financial component to leaving a legacy: leaving something of value behind for my kids. Is this a normal part of aging? To need there to be something that we leave behind that matters to someone?
I thought it would be music. Then I thought it would be a great love and family. Or maybe my writing. Or an impact on education. But, I am not hitting any homeruns here.
Many years ago, I went to a psychic who said I would write a book and it would be amazing. I don’t really believe in psychics, but what she said has stuck with me for what, twenty years? I have two books I am working on right now and an idea for a children’s book. But everyday I dance an internal dance between feeling confident that what I write matters and feeling like I am a total imposter.
For today, I will continue to write, even if only twelve people read this blog or my book. And I will continue to wonder what contribution I make to the world each day. Or if it even matters.